The Backlog: Life During Boretime edition
Mar 5th
There’s not much to say this week. Doug and Aaron are both on trips of varying intensity and length, and I’m once again at the helm. But I’m not jealous! There’s a quiet dignity to be found in staying at home, you know. And it saves money. Really, it’s the only reasonable way to live in these uncertain times.
Yep.
I mean, what kind of person would really want to go on a whirlwind tour of Asia for a whole month? Doug. Doug’s the guy. And, wow, big deal — the first weekend with amazing weather in the Pacific Northwest. “Hey everybody, we need to go party at the coast now!” That’s definitely what Aaron said when he left to go party at the coast with his totally awesome and probably quite attractive friends.
But no. I’m fine. I’m fine! Just, you know, read this thing and leave me to my unbridled joy.
The Backlog: Backlog to the Future edition
Feb 28th
Time for a mea culpa, guys. I was hoping to broadcast this backlog at its regularly scheduled time (“whenever on Friday, I guess”) but unfortunately ran into a snag where I was unable to use my computer. Something to do with driving through planned communities in Wilsonville in the middle of the night; I don’t know, let’s not dredge that episode up. Anyway, the short version is I invented a time-traveling DeLorean and traveled to the past to get the backlog posted on time.
Everything was going just fine — I survived an adventure in the wild west and I made Biff look like a total dweeb — but unfortunately, I ended up getting totally distracted by the same exact scenario and wound up just where I’d started. Except it was now Sunday.
Oh well. I guess I should be grateful; for a while there, I was kinda worried I’d end up creating a time paradox.
The Backlog: Killer Bs edition
Feb 19th
Lots of good things start with the letter “b”; Many games right now, for instance (Battlefield and Bayonetta being two of them). Other things start with that letter — like business school, bad tests, The Beatles…and also brains.
Wait, brains? It will make more sense in a moment! So, without further ado, here’s the log.
About an Adult Swim Flash Game: Robot Unicorn Attack
Feb 13th
What is a “game” but an alchemist’s mixture of disparate concepts that by themselves don’t mean much, yet somehow make sense as a whole when paired accordingly?
Gears of War’s cover mechanic has no use in a two-dimensional fighter. A licensed Barbie title (maybe) doesn’t need Castlevania’s map system. And – obviously – Guitar Hero’s flurry of scrolling musical notes and reliance on plastic peripherals would never make sense as a musical zombie shooter starring, let’s say, Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day.
So where does that leave Adult Swim’s latest attempt at destroying workplace productivity? Robot Unicorn Attack, developed by Flash game creator and the one-man band at developer Spiritonin, Scott Stoddard, takes two seemingly opposite concepts — a looping ethereal audio track and the get-as-far-as-you-can gameplay of Canabalt — and mashes them into a fabulous union. The title implies certain gameplay elements, among other things (like some unicorns are, in actuality, robots), but I doubt you expected it to feature licensed music. Oh, it does. And it’s offensively wonderful.
The Backlog: (Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bayonetta edition
Feb 12th
Why am I so conflicted over BioShock 2? The original was great, brilliant even. And if 2K Marin’s sequel is half as good as the first, that would still make it better than all of the dust-collecting shovelware currently sitting on store shelves.
Nick doesn’t seem as wracked with indecision this week as yours truly, and I fully believe it when he predicts BioShock 2 will soon find a spot in his vast library of interactive software. However, Nick doesn’t know that upon purchasing the game he will be obligated to review it. Sorry, friend.
Doug takes this edition’s opportunity to educate us on the intricate differences between Pro Evo Soccer 2010 and FIFA 10, and it’s an extremely informative primer about a segment of gaming I’ve all but forgotten. I actually want to give soccer sims another shot after reading it. Truly, I do.
And for me, well, I’m in love with Bayonetta — the game, mind you. Though with her strength-based sex appeal and quotes such as: “Do I look like I’m a child person? Making children, on the other hand,” it’s easy to swoon over the ridiculous charm of the character and to even feel all right about it; hopefully without coming off as a chauvinist.
Also, apologies for the article headline. An Otis Redding track pack is coming to Rock Band next week, and I thought the titular pun was appropriately humorous. I was likely wrong.
Review: Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
Feb 10th
by Tyler Martin
Sony came back in a big way in 2009. The PlayStation 3 had an unmatched first-party line up of titles that included Killzone 2, Infamous and Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time. While the console’s most successful title was Game of the Year award winner Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, the latest Ratchet & Clank was no slouch. If it wasn’t for Nathan Drake’s amazing sophomore adventure, A Crack in Time would have been the exclusive selling point for the platform last year.
The Backlog: Resignation edition
Feb 6th
Mass Effect 3.
My Fellow Earthicans:
Good evening.
This is the 68th time I have spoken to you from this laptop, where so many decisions have been made that shaped the history of this Blog. Each time I have done so to discuss with you some matter that I believe affected the blogosphere’s interest.
In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the Blog. Throughout the long and difficult period of struggling through Mass Effect 2, I have felt it was my duty to persevere, to overlook BioWare’s overzealous streamlining, to stop viewing the game as a RPG, and to make every possible effort to complete the sequel to the game I loved so much.
In the past few days, however, it has become evident to me that Mass Effect 2 is, in fact, the brilliant, evolutionary sequel everyone has been raving about. And with that in mind, I come before you to admit that I made a grievous and inexcusable error in judgment.
Therefore, I shall resign to having been “completely, totally, 100% dead wrong” about Mass Effect 2 effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Thayer will be sworn in as “Guy Who Was Totally Right All Along Even Though Nick Won’t Admit It” at that hour in this office.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go flirt with Miranda some more. Don’t judge.
The Backlog: Mass Effect 2log
Jan 29th
So, yeah.
Some little game you might have heard of called Mass Effect 2 dropped in stores on Tuesday, and…yeah. We’ve all been putting some time into that — some of us at the detriment of schoolwork (*ahem*) — and yelling at anyone daring to spoil any aspect of the game (but that may just be me). We also have divided opinions on the game, too, so read on and see where the contention lies (spoiler free, naturally).
We’ve also been able to play some other games — Forza 3 and some iPhone games included — and it’s time to dig into the details in this week’s Backlog.
The Backlog: Missing Staff and The-Game-That-Never-Ends edition
Jan 22nd
Intrigue! Wonder! SCIENCE! There is no time for pre-break paraphrasing of the vast and riddle-laden mysteries nestled within this week’s backlog. They are too great. Too fragile, perhaps. Inadequate minds would be at a loss if I just threw out the summarized refuse of what might possibly be our worst best backlog ever. I, a humble scribe of purely narratorial (new word) intentions, can barely contain myself during this soon-to-be historical moment; all of this feverish typing is done so with the tight, icy hand of anticipation musing its bony little fingernails into my literary jugular. It commands more words, and bigger and longer and shorter verbs; it shrieks, “More! And faster, and BETTER punctuation, FEWER dashes, that is a GERUND, now use that exclamation point here, stop with the italics because no one likes those! ADVERB!” This entire paragraph is simply devoid of any merit, but I’m still writing!
The tension is building, dear reader. Do you dare click the “Read the rest of this entry” link? Do you? Horrors never seen, never smelled or touched, wait beneath the artificially tranquil whiteness of the CRT monitor in front of you — a beacon of glory with its Bauhaus collage of cat hair, flakes of skin and Taco Bell Fire Sauce fingerprints. You’re expecting something now, something major — possibly even satisfactory or mildly amusing. Do not. Don’t. Placing trust in our ability to “journal” is foolish, and the oily gremlins of disappointment will suck you through that humming, buzzing radiation box to a world of malcontent and pointlessness. But, I ask again, are you nevertheless prepared?
No? You’re not going to click it? After I birthed all of that fluffed up prose — 13 minutes of my life to be clear — above? Wow. Thanks. Really cool of you, man. I’ll be over here kicking rocks with my hands in my pockets, and hanging my head in disappointment.
Anyway…I lied. Here’s the summary: Doug’s M.I.S. (missing in school), Nick’s manifesto has been uncovered by baffled authorities, and I spew some less ridiculous bull and talk about what I played. Hooray! We’re a bit strange this time around.
The Backlog: Winter Blues edition
Jan 15th
Is it the holidays again yet? And we thought last week was a struggle; if last week was like wiping sleep from your eye, this week is how you feel before you’re fully awake in the morning. Hand me my coffee and the newspaper, please, I’m still groggy from the holiday break. As Doug and Nick see their free time chopped away by returning to the grind (but still get some gaming in!), Aaron provides some detailed impressions after finally digging into one of the holiday season’s biggest releases.
Without further ado, onto the Backlog…