What is a “game” but an alchemist’s mixture of disparate concepts that by themselves don’t mean much, yet somehow make sense as a whole when paired accordingly?

Gears of War’s cover mechanic has no use in a two-dimensional fighter. A licensed Barbie title (maybe) doesn’t need Castlevania’s map system. And – obviously – Guitar Hero’s flurry of scrolling musical notes and reliance on plastic peripherals would never make sense as a musical zombie shooter starring, let’s say, Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day.

So where does that leave Adult Swim’s latest attempt at destroying workplace productivity? Robot Unicorn Attack, developed by Flash game creator and the one-man band at developer Spiritonin, Scott Stoddard, takes two seemingly opposite concepts — a looping ethereal audio track and the get-as-far-as-you-can gameplay of Canabalt — and mashes them into a fabulous union. The title implies certain gameplay elements, among other things (like some unicorns are, in actuality, robots), but I doubt you expected it to feature licensed music. Oh, it does. And it’s offensively wonderful.

The song: “Always,” from the still-active Euro synthpop group Erasure. The music video for the electronic ballad deals with the troubling theme of loss set amongst a backdrop of hypothermic kabuki demons, elements that unfortunately aren’t replicated in the Flash game. Here are the lyrics:

Open your eyes I see
Your eyes are open
Wear no disguise for me
Come into the open

When it’s cold outside
Am I here in vain?
Hold on to the night
There will be no shame

Always, I wanna be with you
And make believe with you
And live in harmony, harmony oh love

Melting the ice for me
Jump into the ocean
Hold back the tide I see
Your love in motion

When it’s cold outside
Am I here in vain?
Hold on to the night
There will be no shame

The game: Robot Unicorn Attack. It’s the flamboyantly energetic cousin of Canabalt, and its gifts to the world are a basket of rainbows, handfuls of sparkles and metallic unicorns.

Advanced cybernetics have given Mr. Cinnamon a second chance of fulfilling his track-and-field dreams

After playing three minutes of the game, it’s easy to dismiss the concept based on its potentially uncomfortable choice of decor. It’s not that rainbows bother me, it’s that using a song from a band known for its openly gay member (and icon), Andy Bell, as the soundtrack for a robot unicorn’s adventure seems to poke fun at LGBT culture in a negative form of satire. I can only imagine what some 13-year-old kid is thinking when he plays this: “Ha, so gay.”

Then again, who cares what Halo teens think; I’m probably reading too much into the matter. The rainbow is a flag-waving symbol of gay pride, diversity, equality and strength, after all. And if Erasure signed the licensing agreement, they must enjoy the game. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been a stick in the mud, and missed the joke as a result.

Unfounded controversy aside, Robot Unicorn Attack plays fantastically. The Canabalt comparison is apt, and a compliment. Players navigate a series of purple and pink hills of varying shape and size (and placement), trying to double jump, using the Z key, between the hovering landmasses to avoid certain death, and to make it farther than your previous distance for a higher score. However, Adult Swim’s take on the concept introduces a revolutionary second button, mapped to the X key, which causes the unicorn protagonist to vault forward at light speed in a blinding flash of the visible color spectrum — otherwise known as a “rainbow attack.” This is so our horned friend can smash through the giant crystalline stars that randomly appear, and avoid exploding into a bodiless heap of scrap.

Hold me closer, tiny dasher?

The gameplay is simple, and slightly less fresh than Canabalt due to its blatant copy-and-paste mentality. It’s still an adequate timesink, and fits right in with the attitude Adult Swim has toward its flash games, which I described in a previous article: be a little offensive, but make sure it’s fun. It helps that the animation and character sprites are expertly crafted as well. I’d believe it if someone told me this was a tie-in game for the Hollywood revival of an obscure 1980′s cartoon.

The greatest aspect of Robot Unicorn Attack is how it induces feelings of happiness via its ridiculousness. That’s the entire point, and you don’t have to be good at the game for the game to be good for you. So while I might be misinterpreting the elements of gay culture in the game, I can’t find fault in how well the gameplay and the music go together. Leaping from knoll to knoll, collecting rainbow wing-tipped fairies to the repeating tune of synthesized love and heartfelt emotion, is a guilty pleasure. It’s obvious that the game is a clever Valentine’s present for Adult Swim’s virtual horde of hipster kids, and those Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! freaks. (Freaks like me. And that link is semi-relevant.)

So go play the game, and let yourself enjoy it. There will be no shame.

Note: Final play count of the “Always 2009 Remix” audio loop during the writing of this article: 39.

Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim is one of those rare media brands that absolutely understands its demographic.

From the nightly bump cards to the merchandise and the numerous concert series and beyond, Adult Swim has succeeded in making money by airing deranged programming to a young population of insomniacs who were tired of the same old talk shows and infomercials after midnight.

While I’ve been a devotee of the late-night programming block for years, I’ve never played one of Adult Swim’s growing cadre of free Flash titles. The games portal opened on the official website a few years ago, and each title generally boils down to an example of extremely violent behavior under the guise of sick humor — well-tuned to the network’s signature style.

After watching Metalocalypse, Superjail! or Aqua Teen Hunger Force, is it that shocking to stumble upon a game where cats wearing bandannas fire at each other with Uzis and rocket launchers?

I find it slightly offensive that black cats are the enemy — clearly, the Sphynx breed is much more evil

I vacillated between a few different titles, trying to decide which would be my first foray into the world of Adult Swim-sponsored Flash games. Browsing the list of digital diversions is amusing considering all of the games have fairly low ratings. Amateur Surgeon, the most-played title available, scores the highest with a 7.9/10 average rating, while the rest hover in the 5-7 range of scores.

I assumed that because these are free games requiring no other software outside of Flash to run, those interested would be more forgiving; maybe throw a few “ROFL, funny!” posts in the comment section and score it a 10/10. However, it seems the voracious teen-and-twenty-something appetite for free media is in fact a discerning one.

So again, where to begin?

Meowcenaries (warning: link plays sound), from British developer Mediatonic, looked like the safest bet. This is a top-down, 2D shooter where you and your team of “kitteh” commandos travel to various locations, via an overworld map, to brutally explode the furry bodies of your “badkat” enemies. I’d be an idiot to not waste my free time playing a title that combines my least-favorite Internet fad (lolcats) with the intensity of a classic action movie like First Blood.

I asked Meowcenaries, with tender sincerity, to sweep me into a world housing the diabolical Evilcat, cheezburgr health packs and intentionally misspelled lolcat lingo like “Misshun Selekt” — how adorable and easy to understand as a hip young person with a knowledge of Internet memes!

And this is when Bob Barker's call for spaying and neutering went too far

But despite the free price tag, does the game have any redeeming qualities to warrant an investment of your time? Surprisingly, yes. Playing an hour’s worth of Meowcenaries left me astounded by its unexpected competence as a shooter. Sure, it’s not an Unreal Engine-licensed project, but it does what you would imagine it to: provide many, many enemies to pump full of animated lead.

To be realistic, these Flash games are meant for procrastinating students or bored businesspeople with time, and badkatz, to kill. It’d be futile to criticize Meowcenaries like it was a blockbuster release from a traditional publisher. But with so many free titles floating around the Internet today, it’s fascinating to watch this specific genre grow in complexity from stick figures to murderous cats with objectives, an overworld map and a score grading system.

Expect a lot of cheese-rock guitar tracks, intended to bolster the ’80s action flick vibe, along with a hefty serving of lolcat stupidity. “LOL” and “OMG” text bubbles appear when your kittehs have dispatched a badkat, a scene painted with blood, guts and pieces of cat skull. Meowcenaries, like most of Adult Swim’s Flash games, is gory — but that’s the point.

Hey, all these Zs and misspelled words are hilarious; someone should turn this into a fad!

Meowcenaries also has a star-based ranking system for your squadron of four cat commandos, which is similar to unit progression systems found in RTS titles like Company of Heroes and Halo Wars. If, say, you take “Lemon” on a mission and he survives the level, he’ll gain a star and his accuracy, fire rate and distance of fire will increase. Achieve three stars and you move up a medal level, from bronze to silver and finally gold. Maybe I’m easily amused, but it’s hilarious when a free game has more stat growth for your squad mates than a similar title (in terms of shooting-based gameplay with a minimalistic squad mechanic) like Gears of War.

More than an hour into Meowcenaries and I’d only reached the second zone; a sprawling desert aesthetic copied from Super Mario Bros. 3. There are four different zones to travel to, including other videogame staples like snow and lava worlds.

I find it hard to believe cats who can't spell anything would know which letter grade to give you

There’s a distinct NES-era feel to the action, and it surprised me considering how absolutely dumb the concept looks based on the title screen. That may be a harsh assessment, but when it gets down to it, Meowcenaries is one of the better titles to squander hours away on, as opposed to writing TPS reports.

Adult Swim has a clear vision of how to market their online presence. Easy-to-play Flash games available for all, with no installations, is certainly an attractive aspect. The fact that, at least based on one title, the games have depth to them explains why Adult Swim’s Flash portal continues to expand, adding more and more games all the time.

Then again, if you absolutely hate Meowcenaries you’re more than welcome to submit a better idea to Adult Swim. Really, here’s a link to their Flash game submissions page. Just no more memes, please.